04 April 2009

"Take a look in the mirror, ma'am."

*all names have been changed to protect the parties involved.



It's 2002. Im 19 years old. In my "partying prime", if you will.


My friend df and I meet some guys at a bar in Birmingham and actually become friends with them. There are 8 of them.

Many nights, we find ourselves meeting up with them, drinking, partying, but never humping, which at this point in my life, was kind of unheard of.


One night in June, they invite us to Destin, Fl. We kindly oblige. Whats not to like about the offer? 8 guys who we trust. A suite that is paid for. One of the arguments that really pushed me over the edge was, "you won't have to spend a penny."

I was sold.


We leave Friday morning. DF drives, and i'm in the front, along with 2 of our guy friends (jay and clint) in the back. The rest are behind us. About halfway into the drive, I notice one of the guys, "jay" in the back, acting a little.. "off."


me: whats wrong with you. and why are you wearing those sunglasses? (it was raining).
jay: i'm rolling. im rolling balls.
clint: we ate, like, 6 rolls each.


at this point, he pulls out a flintstones vitamin bottle (like THAT wont be suspicious to the cops) and opens it. It literally has, over 100 rolls in it. I realize this trip could either be really GOOD, or REALLY bad.


We finally arrive in Destin after a one hour delay at the rest stop. (everyone was puking.) I had never rolled before. Everyone else was. I felt I had NO choice. I pop two. We go to a bar, i use my awesome (and by awesome I mean, it only worked if there was a male bouncer and I popped a nip out or something) i.d. and get in as 21.


After about ten minutes i'm getting pretty antsy because I dont feel anything. I go to the bathroom to pee. The lights are fucking BRIGHT. I turn to the girl next to me.


"ARE THESE LIGHTS REALLY BRIGHT TO YOU OR IS IT JUST ME? IT MIGHT JUST BE ME BUT MAN THESE LIGHTS. ARE BRIGHT. WOOOOO!"


She looks at me like i'm an insane person. Maybe because I yelled it. After I realized I was yelling I clapped my hand over my mouth like i'd just blasphemied God. I turn back around. I realize I need to hurl. BAD. and IMMEDIATELY. I am slinging people out of the way like i'm pushing for the end zone. I dont make it to the stall. I puke on some girls shoes. I yell "date rape" because I think its safer than yelling i'm on drugs. I dont even wash my face. I wipe it on my shirt. I'm definitely feeling those 2 pills now.

I am on the dancefloor after this, and in my head i'm groovin better than anyone out there.



In hindsight, that was not the case at all. I did the Carlton and tried to make it look sexy. I was dancing to some crazy techno that was only going in my head, because the bar was playing Buffet.

A few minutes later, the manager comes up behind me and starts escorting me out. He is whispering to me that date rape is a huge problem and that if I know who did it, to please let him know and not get the cops involved. I have no idea what he is talking about until the next day.


My friends are out ten minutes later. I tell them I feel like there are fire ants crawling on my face. I am swatting at it.
Back in the hotel room, Clint tries to hook up with me. I puke on him.


The next day, we all sleep until at least 5p.m. We wake up, ready to go. We all eat Flintstones and start drinking. Jay pulls out a huge box of whippets (sp) and I am fascinated at the way my voice is all the sudden deep.




I walk around saying, "I am the ding a ling king."


Jay is pelting the guys who are sleeping with empty whippets. HARD. Its one of the clearest memories I have of the trip. I couldnt even try to convey to you how hard he was throwing them. But he was winding up before each toss. So... it was traumatic.


DF and I decide our friends are lame and we go walking on the beach. We find a guy with a briefcase. It doesnt strike us as strange at the time. Usually, when someone opens a briefcase like that it is filled with green.. CASH. This was one was filled with green WEED. He is our new best friend.

I tell him that I want his shirt because I am cold.

Hours later, DF and I are passed out on those wooden chairs they come and put the cushions on during the day and rent out to you for an insane price.

The hotel staff is trying to wake DF & I up. They tell us to get up, but instead we are gripping the wood for dear life. He picks up the unit we're sleeping on, to literally, EJECT us off of them but we hold on. It is standing up completely. Our toes are hanging 3 inches from the ground. We finally take the hint and head towards the hotel we are in front of.

DF crashes on a chair by the pool. I want to lay on something, cushioney. I pick a car in the parking lot, and crawl in the back seat.



I am awoken about 20 minutes later to a cop pulling me out. A family with small children is standing behind him.



cop: what are you doing??
me: just wanted to sleep.
cop: is this your car?
me: i thought it was.


The cop mutters something to the family and is strongarming me back to the hotel (that i'm not staying in.)


cop: how old are you?
me: 25 *lie*
cop stares at me for a long time. He is disgusted. His eyes come to rest on my shirt.
cop: 25? You need to take a loooooong look in the mirror ma'am.



at this point I look down. I am wearing a spider man t shirt. The guy with the briefcase gave me a fucking spiderman shirt. I am fugged out of my mind, its 9 a.m. and I am being led to my "room" by a cop.

I start sobering up a little.

Cop: Where is your room?
me: 12th floor. (please let there be a 12th floor)

at this point, I see DF by the pool. She looks ROUGH. She spots me. Then the cop.

me: HEY LOOK THERES MY FRIEND!
cop: THAT girl?
I run to her with open arms. The cop is looking at us like we are two homeless people trespassing. At this point, we were.

cop: You girls need to just get out of here. I'm going to turn around. In ten seconds you need to be gone. I don't even want to START to deal with this.

DF & I catch a cab back to our ORIGINAL hotel. I still have the shirt.

1 comment:

  1. Baaaaahahaha! I wonder if that family ever sits back and says, "You remember that girl that fell asleep in our car?"

    ReplyDelete

 
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